Writing for an audience...

This is something I haven't done in a long time.

In some ways, it's different when you write a journal entry in your diary and when you write one for your blog. In your diary, it's almost always instinctive. The flow isn't necessarily smooth, the thoughts you start with aren't necessarily pursued, you don't even have to finish it when you don't feel like it. When you write in a blog, well, you're still honest about your feelings and what you think. The main difference is you're technically writing for an audience. You want people to understand what you want to say. To do that, you must first fully understand your topic and find the best way of communicating it.

Reading through old blog entries is always fun. It always makes me miss the time when I wrote about absolutely everything - or at least a whole bunch of things and tried to capture experiences thoughts and emotions through words.

No, this is not my Good Friday reflection. That one's in my private journal hahaha. And well, no one's really going to read this because my blog's extinct but I just felt like doing this now hehe.

Afraid for Pisay

Last Monday, we had to wait for almost 2 hours for Tony Blair's talk. I was talking to Jackie and somehow the discussion came to her asking why I entered Pisay and didn't choose to continue studying in St. Paul, instead. After all, St. Paul is a prominent school and a Catholic institution at that.

I tried to remember. Aside from the obvious fact that we didn't need to pay for tuition and that I received stipend every month, I thought to myself, "Why?" I wanted to remember the reason, not only for enrolling but why I have grown to love it so much and why at the end of my Pisay stay I knew I made the right choice all along.

And so while I was procrastinating last Tuesday, I decided to look at my previous Pisay blog entries to remind me why. More than being overwhelmingly reminded, reading through helped me see why the current Pisay issues don't make me and many other members of the Pisay community happy.

I have high respect for the Pisay faculty. They're competent and they have more than their own skills to show, they have batches of Pisay students who have become better under their care to show.

I have absolutely nothing against those who were allowed to graduate. After all, they didn't make the decision. Going through 4 years of hardcore Pisay education is no joke. It strains your mind, your body and even your heart. There's always the argument that those who fail didn't give their best and there's a high chance that's true. But despite whatever, to not graduate after all that(actually, even just having to leave Pisay regardless of the duration of your stay), well I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Pisay students are the best of the best from their schools. They're sent to Pisay with the hope that their skills will be sharpened and that their hearts will be toughened. That's what you get yourself into and that's what the school promises to give you. That's why both sides have the right to expect the best from each other.

I remembered writing about my Pisay stay in my Ateneo application essay and I concluded with this:

It was indeed hard. I could have stayed in my old school and I probably wouldn’t be as stressed as I am now. But I could now proudly say I chose the road less traveled. Many people already run away at the thought of Philippine Science High School. But that cannot be said of me. I chose to go through the numerous workloads, through the seemingly unlimited lessons in Biology, Chemistry, Physics and Math, through the pains of failure and through the pressure of being one of the country’s scholars. And now that I am nearing the end of this rocky road, I do not regret taking this path because I know I have become a better person not only for myself but also for the people around me and for my country. I have become unafraid of challenges because they make me stronger. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would still want to be in Pisay because through pains, I have found myself, the people who truly love me and my God who never abandoned me.

I'm just afraid that the coming generation of Pisay students won't get to say that anymore. I'm afraid that Pisay won't challenge them. I'm afraid that this school won't push them to their limits. I'm afraid that the fulfillment and the struggle of giving everything that you can give to get through each week that have formed us, that we loved, that we laugh about now, that have made us learn about ourselves and the extent of our abilities, will cease to exist in the school.

Many people have said they're afraid that the quality of Pisay education will deteriorate. I'm one of those people. And the previous paragraph is what I mean when I say I'm afraid for Pisay.

This issue isn't situation-specific, people-specific or batch-specific. It's sad though that certain people and two consecutive batches (may I just say Batch 09 were my first children as a big sister so I love them to bits and pieces) have to go through all these. I just certainly hope they get their act together soon. It's not only the institution's name they're affecting. They're hurting its most precious resource, its people.

Hark daughters of the great St. Paul...

Last weekend, my sister had her high school graduation from St. Paul.

I evidently missed the school and the people. I was reminded of how nurturing the community was. I knew a lot of people in my sister's batch and quite a number of their siblings have become acquaintances and friends in college. At this point that I've moved on to college, I feel even more connected to my 'children' in our grade school student council before than I do to my children in Pisay.

The awards that they gave reminded me too of one very important lesson I picked up early on during my grade school years - that every achievement and hardwork in any field/aspect deserves to be commended and is as important for my growth as any other.

Like other educational institutions, in SPCP, grades mostly decide who will become valedictorian and they give high regard to those who achieve academically. But they also gave credit to other achievements like leadership, org involvement, sports, outside contests and the like. And that was probably why subconsciously I knew that my holistic formation, participating in causes and activities you enjoyed and believed in and serving deserved my attention and my time as well even if I was in Pisay, where the school work were deadly and the demands heavy.

And so I wrote this down to remind myself that I love St. Paul and that it deserves a lot of credit and my utmost gratitude in having formed me to become the person I am today.

And also, just to share, there were some parts when I was teary-eyed. During the valedictory address(Annie, you'll never get to read this but know that it was awesome and lovely and beautiful! Everyone felt what you were saying even before you started crying. Congratulations!), I cried. I was thankful to have been part of that community for 9 years and though high school and college are where one spends his most important and memorable years, I say wala nang ibang institusyong pang-edukasyon ang masasabi kong kinasapian ko nang higit sa siyam na taon.

I'm proud to be Paulinian and I'm thankful kahit hindi ako kasama sa Alumnae association haha.

Hark daughters of the great St. Paul. Come listen to his call. Oh children of this loved school... Ang funny na nagkamali yung teacher. Hanggang ngayon epic pa rin ang Paulinan hymn kasi akala mo tapos na pero meron pa pala. Lol.

Stardust =)

I watched Stardust a while ago and it was just such a nice feel good movie. :D An awesome quote:

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it. I've seen centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain and lies. Hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan, is... I think I love you. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

This made me smile ♥

Ate Krz found this picture. :) This was during the e-night of Sigao. Napasmile lang ako nito. For everything, thank you God. :)

Photo survey :)

from kara!
* Answer the questions below
* Do a google image search with your answer
* Take a picture from the first page of results
* Don't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you


1. The age you'll be on your next birthday










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4. Your favorite food











5. Your favorite animal












6. Your favorite color











7. First name of your significant other or crush










8. Your screen name/nickname










9. Your first job











10. A bad habit you have









11. Your worst fear

I miss my high school friends

I love my college friends. I love YFC-A. I love ASLA. I really really do.

But I miss my high school friends. The only way I know what's happening in Ray2's life is when I read her blog. Fatima's when I see her multiply and she leaves a message in my tagboard. Greggy when I see his name in Ray2's blog. Ivy when I see her pictures in multiply. And just about everyone else (Henson, Ryan, Nico,...)through their blog, multiply or YM stat messages. I don't even get to visit UP or Pisay. I don't know what's up with our teachers, SCA, YFC, the fair, Science Scholar or just about anything.

I just realized my recent entries aren't very happy. Don't get me wrong. I'm generally happy. I probably just don't know how to write happy in a few sentences very well. hahaha.

thinking

You know how it is when you have nothing to think about and all your unnecessary worries and things you don't want to think about come up.

While processing with a friend, I realized...

I don't like not knowing what's next. I don't like not knowing what I have to do tomorrow.


And therefore, I conclude that I need a life. hahaha.